“I was wrong” why is it that people can’t bring themselves to utter such a simple phrase?i can understand wanting to prove your point in an argument or to stand your ground but when you’re truly wrong why would you go through so much effort to protect your stupid pride. So you don’t look stupid? so you don’t embarrass yourself? is your pride so important that you would risk someone or something so dear? will your pride help you when you’re feeling down? will your pride bring you a smile when you’re in the darkest part of yourself? if you answered yes then shut the fuck up and go fuck yourself you lying piece of shit who the hell are you trying to prove yourself to that you would lie to yourself just to save your own pride? i guess your pride must be something worth more than anything i have to give. Sure i have moments where i would protect my pride and say or do some stupid shit but i would never lose someone so dear to me over a stupid case of protecting it. If you still want to keep protecting your pride then go right ahead i’m not going to stop you anymore. Never forget the fact that you’re the one that tossed everything away. hah even though im saying all of this i can’t bring myself to throw away what we have. So if you decide to come back i promise i’ll be here waiting. 

Yes this is a long ass post read if you want. Also fuck the people judging my writing lol

The saddest thing is that I’ve become someone that I have truly despised. I became one of the worst type of people I don’t really care what anyone thinks of me but it’s something I need to get off of my chest. Before I get into that let me give a little background first.

There was a girl that I was in love with I literally thought of her every moment of every day and I truly loved her. We had our share of problems like everyone else but that fact that we both tried our hardest to stay together, to get through any problems is just something so rare. When I’m in a relationship that long I start losing interest and can’t really bring myself to stay in it for much longer but she changed me. I’m grateful for everything that she has done for me and trust me I’ll never forget any of it. Then her parents came in and told her that she had to move away to Texas, and being the naïve person I was thinking that long distance relationships were no big deal. Fuck I was wrong, the distance was so big and I didn’t have the kind of money yet that I could take flights back and forth often. For the first few months we were still going strong and I was thinking that maybe we could get through it. Then another few months pass by and we just start losing the feelings we had. Our relationship went stagnant, almost like going online and seeing each other was such a troubling task. It hurt me to see her in that state so I did what I thought was best and said “maybe it’s time for us to stop this” and we broke up. We were still friends and all but we just couldn’t see what we once saw in each other. As much as it hurt me to end it like that I did it just so that she could smile again even if it wasn’t with me.

Maybe half a year passes by and I’m going out with my friends to a party and there I see this beautiful girl sitting there. I go up and introduce myself and we hit it off instantly. I got her number and took my drunk friends home. I didn’t know what to do with myself the whole way home and the rest of that night I couldn’t think straight every thought and every action had me thinking of her I was infatuated by her and nothing else could have mattered to me in those moments. I asked her out on a date and she said yes I couldn’t believe it I was ecstatic I’m not really the type to plan out a date I like going to random places and doing something random with that special girl but this time I felt different. I spent a whole week planning out every single detail of a day, the night before I couldn’t even sleep I was too excited. So the next day after the date couldn’t have gone more perfectly. Soon we went on more dates and each date brought us even closer together I fell for her everything from that beautiful smile to the even more beautiful person that she is.

Now back to the present well not really present let’s rewind back to to a few months ago in December. I was in Vegas celebrating one of my friends birthday at the Hard Rock and I get a call from my ex saying that she’s back in town and wants to meet up. I was thinking that what’s the harm of having lunch with a friend during the phone call and said yes. I was excited to hear about what’s been going on with her life until I heard “I’ve been feeling so lonely lately” usually I’m pretty oblivious to things like that but this time I read it perfectly and I knew exactly the thoughts that were going through her mind at the time. The fact that she used her knowledge of the me against me pissed me off. She knew I was with another girl yet she still went ahead and tried going for it. I’m really an understanding person and I don’t anger easily but this just got me I got pissed, mostly at myself because in the back of my mind I knew it was going to happen but I still went though with it. If you know me I hate cheating I think it makes a person truly despicable. It’s something I promised myself that I would never do but to get a second chance with a girl you truly love is something so rare in this life that I couldn’t help but take the chance. I was weak and that was easily one of the most horrible acts I’ve ever done. Nothing I can do can make it up to her and if she hates me I deserve it and I won’t make any excuse. Im not gonna date anyone for a while.

On another note my birthday is coming soon can’t wait to celebrate with my favorite people! Finally can buy alchy without needing a fake lol.